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幽默英文：你都不理我，那我成狗不理了 
定 價(jià)：25 元
9 7 2 8 5 7 9 5 4 4 4 4 6  生活里不能沒(méi)有笑聲，沒(méi)有笑聲的世界該是多么寂寞，只有愛(ài)笑的人，生活才能過(guò)得更美好。 能講笑話的人，都是智慧之人。
第一章 極品醉愛(ài)
1 Marry Penguin 1 娶企鵝 1 2 That’s Why You Married Me and I Married You 1 原因 2 3 I Don’t Know Her 2 我還不認(rèn)識(shí)她呢 2 4 My Husband 2 我丈夫 3 5 The Poor Husband 3 可憐的丈夫 3 6 You’ve Already Heard It 4 你已經(jīng)聽(tīng)過(guò)了 4 7 Send for the Fire Brigade 4 叫消防隊(duì) 4 8 Who Is This Speaking 5 你是誰(shuí) 5 9 Want Her to Go Nuts 5 我要讓她發(fā)瘋 6 10 Domestic Thief 6 家賊 6 11 It Was Too Late 7 為時(shí)已晚 7 12 Questions and Answer 8 巧問(wèn)妙答 8 13 You Don’t Look like an Old Lady At All 9 你看起來(lái)一點(diǎn)都不像個(gè) 老婦人 9 14 Notes 10 便條 10 15 Who’s in Heaven 10 誰(shuí)在天堂 11 16 Flatterer 12 馬屁精 12 17 Knocked the Door 13 叫門 14 18 Jimmy and Kathy 14 吉米和凱茜 15 19 Give up Smoking 15 戒煙 16 20 It’s Rather Unusual 17 不尋常 17 21 It’s Unnecessary to See God with a Present 18 見(jiàn)上帝沒(méi)必要帶禮物 19 22 Women 20 女人 21 23 The perfect husband 23 完美丈夫 24 24 I Am Not Able to Take Care of Three Wives 26 三個(gè)老婆 27 25 Husbands Said 28 丈夫如是說(shuō) 30 26 What If... 32 要是…… 33 第二章 奇葩囧語(yǔ) 1 Send the Bill to My Father 35 把賬單給我父親 35 2 How about That 35 怎么回事 35 3 I’ve Got the Wrong Room 36 走錯(cuò)了房間 36 4 You’re Facing the Wrong Way 36 你看錯(cuò)方向了 36 5 How Do I Breathe 37 我怎么呼吸 37 6 Protest 37 抗議 37 7 Beat Your Son 38 打你兒子 38 8 I Thought You Were Landing 38 我以為你在降落 38 9 Where Am I 39 我在哪兒 39 10 Pop Home for My Pyjamas 39 拿睡衣 40 11 Keep Feeding 40 繼續(xù)喂 40 12 Lawyer and Engineer 40 律師與工程師 41 13 I’m a Grandfather 41 我當(dāng)爺爺了 42 14 A Burglar Can’t Find Me Either 42 賊也找不到我 42 15 Use a Pencil 42 用鉛筆 43 16 They Are Directly from America 43 從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的 44 17 Why Is She Screaming 44 她為何尖叫 45 18 How Much do You Figure I Owe You 45 付多少錢 45 19 I’ll Go There Myself in A Few Minutes 46 等會(huì)兒我自己過(guò)去 46 20 Bad News 47 壞消息 47 21 Logic Reasoning 48 邏輯推理 48 22 That Was before I Tried It 48 試前價(jià) 49 23 Goldberg 49 戈德堡 50 24 An Unusual Way 50 不同尋常的方式 51 25 Grass Eater 51 吃草的人 52 26 How Did You Know He Was a Bandit 52 你怎么知道他是個(gè)強(qiáng)盜 53 27 Isn’t It Quite Clear 53 顯而易見(jiàn) 54 28 Americans and Japanese 54 美國(guó)人和日本人 54 29 I Can Turn Him off Whenever I Please 55 我可以隨意把他給關(guān)掉 55 30 Don’t Let Him in 55 別讓他進(jìn)來(lái) 56 31 An Englishman and a French Barber 56 英國(guó)人和法國(guó)理發(fā)師 57 32 Who Is Shakespeare 57 莎士比亞是誰(shuí) 58 33 The Young Archer 59 年輕射手 60 第三章 浪漫滿懷 1 A History Teacher 61 一位歷史老師 61 2 Where Are the Alps 61 阿爾卑斯山在哪里 62 3 Nearsightedness 62 近視 62 4 What Is a Traitor 62 什么叫叛徒 63 5 I Am Afraid of That Too 63 我也擔(dān)心這個(gè) 63 6 Piano 64 鋼琴 64 7 Meeting My Wife 64 等我太太 65 8 Secret for A Long Life 65 長(zhǎng)壽秘訣 65 9 Traffic Jam 66 堵車事件 66 10 I Beg Your Pardon 67 請(qǐng)?jiān)?67 11 Want to Switch Seats 67 換位子 68 12 Which Is Which 68 雌雄難辨 68 13 Gift 69 禮物 69 14 Middle‐aged Woman 70 中年婦女 70 15 Swimming Pool 70 游泳池 71 16 Old Habit 71 老習(xí)慣 72 17 Get the Cat Out First 72 先把貓弄出來(lái) 73 18 So Am I 73 我也想這樣 74 19 Pick Out Your Husband 74 領(lǐng)回你丈夫 75 20 Early Precaution 75 未雨綢繆 76 21 Strip Off and Streak 76 裸奔 77 22 Canadian Winter 77 加拿大的冬天 78 23 Dropped a Piece of Candy 78 掉了一塊糖 79 24 The Secret 80 秘訣 80 25 False Advertising 81 誤導(dǎo)廣告 82 26 Expectant Fathers 82 準(zhǔn)爸爸們 83 27 Not Here 84 不在這里 85 28 Man in the Closet 86 櫥子里的男人 87 第四章 颶瘋校園 1 The Plural 89 復(fù)數(shù)形式 89 2 The Difference 89 區(qū)別 90 3 The Correct Answer 90 正確答案 90 4 The Lighting 90 閃電 90 5 Does the Question Beat You 91 問(wèn)題難住你了嗎 91 6 Make Mistakes Repeatdly 91 屢次犯錯(cuò) 91 7 An Essential Correction 92 實(shí)質(zhì)性的糾正 92 8 Great Event 92 大事件 92 9 A Physics Exam 93 物理考試 93 10 The Motto 93 座右銘 94 11 The Longest And The Shortest 94 最長(zhǎng)和最短 94 12 The Earth’s Shape 94 地球的形狀 95 13 Can’t Go 95 不能去 95 14 Make‐up 95 化妝 96 15 What’s the Biggest in the World 96 世界上什么最大 96 16 A Physics Exam 96 物理考試 97 17 The Answer 97 答案 97 18 You Are Stupid 98 你太愚蠢了 98 19 Nest and Hair 98 鳥(niǎo)窩與頭發(fā) 99 20 Your Coat Is on Fire 99 您的大衣著火了 100 21 Alexander the Great 100 亞歷山大大帝 100 22 Rough Draft and Final Draft 100 草稿和終稿 101 23 Go to Church and Go Fishing 101 做禮拜和釣魚(yú) 102 24 How Much for a Season Pass？ 102 辦一個(gè)季度通行證要多少錢 103 25 An Imaginary Line 103 假想線 104 26 Brother in South America 104 南美洲的哥哥 104 27 Evils of Liquor 105 酒的危害 105 28 Mimic 106 學(xué)舌 107 29 I Am the Goalie 107 我是守門員! 108 30 Cut Again 109 再切一次 110 第五章 百結(jié)家事 1 Millionaire 111 百萬(wàn)富翁 111 2 I’m Not Inquistive 111 我不愛(ài)刨根問(wèn)底 111 3 That’s the One I Didn’t Touch 112 那塊就是我沒(méi)碰過(guò)的 112 4 Just Sew the Buttonhole 112 只縫上了扣眼兒 112 5 Gives In 113 讓步 113 6 I Didn’t Notice It 113 我沒(méi)看到它 113 7 Apples and Oranges 113 蘋果和桔子 114 8 Rest Your Eyes 114 讓眼睛休息一下 114 9 Lost Weight 114 減肥 15 10 You Are Afraid of Mamma 115 就怕媽媽 116 11 Boy 116 男孩 117 12 The Same Service 117 同樣的服務(wù) 117 13 The Will 118 遺囑 118 14 Try the Hat 119 試帽子 119 15 New Suit 120 新套裝 120 16 Why Are Some Hairs White 121 為什么有白頭發(fā) 121 17 A Naked Man 122 裸男 122 18 The Consciousness of Safety 123 安全意識(shí) 123 19 Keeping Up with Joneses 124 與人攀比 124 20 The Missing Husband 125 失蹤的丈夫 126 21 Spaghetti 126 意大利面 127 22 The Logic of the Scholar 128 學(xué)者的邏輯 128 23 Have His Cap Back 129 讓帽子回來(lái) 130 24 A Theology Scholar 130 神學(xué)學(xué)者 131 25 Nothing to Help 131 幫倒忙 132 26 The Bad Day 133 糟糕的一天 134 27 Twins 134 雙胞胎 135 28 Letter from Mother 136 媽媽的來(lái)信 137 29 I’ve Got the Airbag! 138 我有氣袋 139 30 Still a Bum 140 仍是個(gè)混混 141 第六章 種瓜得豆 1 What Does Mr Johnson Want to Borrow 143 約翰遜先生想借什么 143 2 I Could Do It Slower 143 我可以干得慢一些 144 3 What Room I’m in 144 我在哪個(gè)房間 144 4 A Big Surprise 144 大吃一驚 145 5 Pictures for Children 145 兒童畫 145 6 Two Drunks 145 兩個(gè)酒鬼 146 7 The Strongest Man 146 最強(qiáng)壯的人 146 8 Take Me to London 146 帶我去倫敦 147 9 Running Out of Time 147 時(shí)間不多了 147 10 The Mean Man’s Party 148 吝嗇鬼請(qǐng)客 148 11 Coup 148 妙招 149 12 Pushed the Wrong Button 149 按錯(cuò)了按鈕 149 13 Apple Tree 150 蘋果樹(shù) 150 14 Three Men in a Boat 150 三人同舟 151 15 Placing Stamps on a Letter 151 給信封貼郵票 152 16 Self‐assertion 152 自作多情 153 17 Wrong Place 153 放錯(cuò)地方了 154 18 Six Months to Live 155 最后六個(gè)月的時(shí)光 155 19 Diet at Lunchtime 156 午餐節(jié)食 156 20 The Man and the chair 157 布朗先生 158 21 Bureaucrat 158 當(dāng)官的 159 22 Compulsion 160 強(qiáng)迫癥 161 23 Two Smart Blind Men 162 兩個(gè)聰?shù)拿と?163
第一章 極品醉愛(ài)
1Marry Penguin A bachelor asked the computer to find himthe perfect mate.“Iwant a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports and enjoysgroup activities. ” Back came the answer,“Marry penguin. ” 娶企鵝 一個(gè)單身漢想在電腦上找一個(gè)完美伴侶�！拔乙乙粋�(gè)嬌小可愛(ài)、喜歡水上運(yùn)動(dòng)和集體活動(dòng)的伴侶�！� 回答是：“娶企鵝�！� 2Reason The couple I know were discussing theirwallpaper, which had just been hung. William was annoyed at Mary’s indifference to what he felt was apoor job.“Theproblem is that I’ma perfectionist and you’renot. ”hefinally said to her. “Exactly! ”she replied,“That’s why you married me and I married you! ” 原因 我認(rèn)識(shí)的一對(duì)夫妻正在討論剛剛掛上的壁紙。威廉覺(jué)得壁紙掛得不好，瑪麗卻漠不關(guān)心，威爾對(duì)此感到氣惱�！皢�(wèn)題就是我是個(gè)完美主義者，而你不是�！彼詈髮�(duì)她說(shuō)。 “說(shuō)得對(duì)！”她答道，“這就是你娶了我，我嫁給你的原因！” 3I Don’tKnow Her A couple walking in the park noticed ayoung man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. “Why don’t you do that？ ”said the wife. “Honey, ”replied her husband,“I don’t even know that woman! ” 我還不認(rèn)識(shí)她呢 一對(duì)夫婦在公園里散步，發(fā)現(xiàn)一對(duì)年輕的男女坐在一條長(zhǎng)凳上，動(dòng)情地接吻。 “你為什么不那么做呢？”妻子說(shuō)。 “親愛(ài)的，”丈夫回答說(shuō)，“我還不認(rèn)識(shí)那個(gè)女人呢！” 4My Husband She left him on the sofa when the phonerang, and was back in a few seconds. “Who was it？ ”he asked. “My husband. ”she replied. “I better be going. ”he said,“Where was he？ ” “Relax. He’s downtown playing poker with you. ” 我丈夫 電話鈴響時(shí)，她留他一個(gè)人坐在沙發(fā)上，不一會(huì)兒又回到了他身邊。 “是誰(shuí)？”他問(wèn)。 “我的丈夫�！彼鸬�。 “我最好還是走吧。”他說(shuō)，“他在哪里？” “放松，他正在鬧市區(qū)和你打撲克呢�！� 5The Poor Husband “You can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with mywife. ”theman complained to his friend,“Sheasks me a question,then answers it herself, and after that she explains to mefor half an hour why my answer is wrong. ” 可憐的丈夫 “你根本無(wú)法想象和我妻子打交道有多么難�！币粋�(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友訴苦說(shuō)，“她問(wèn)我一個(gè)問(wèn)題，然后自己回答了，過(guò)后又花半小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯(cuò)的�！� 6You’ve AlreadyHeard It Arriving at home, I was about to show myhusband my newly done hair. Hearingmy footsteps, he called out,“I’m going to tell you a joke that’s going to make your hair curl. ” He turned around, took a look at me andadded,“Oh,you’ve already heard it. ” 你已經(jīng)聽(tīng)過(guò)了 回到家，我打算給丈夫看我新做的頭發(fā)。聽(tīng)到我的腳步聲，丈夫喊道：“給你講個(gè)笑話，它會(huì)讓你笑得頭發(fā)卷起來(lái)。” 他轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身，看了我一眼，補(bǔ)充道：“哦，原來(lái)你已經(jīng)聽(tīng)過(guò)了�！� 7Send for the Fire Brigade One’s wife could not read thethermometer, but she took her husband’s temperature with it and gave a callto the doctor,“Dear doctor, please come at once. My husband’s temperature is 53. ” The doctor replied,“Dear madam, I can do nothing. Sendfor the fire brigade. ” 叫消防隊(duì) 一個(gè)人的妻子不會(huì)看體溫計(jì)。她用體溫計(jì)給丈夫量過(guò)體溫后，給醫(yī)生打了個(gè)電話：“尊敬的醫(yī)生，請(qǐng)馬上來(lái)吧。我丈夫的體溫到了五十三度�！� 醫(yī)生回答說(shuō)：“親愛(ài)的夫人，我無(wú)能為力，快去叫消防隊(duì)吧�！� 8Who Is This Speaking She answered the phone to hear a repentantvoice.“I’m sorry,darling, ”he said,“I have thought things over and youcan have the Rolls‐Royce as a wedding present, we will move to the Gold Coast,and yourmother can stay with us. Now will you marry me？ ” “Of course I will. ”she said,“And who is this speaking？ ” 你是誰(shuí) 她接電話時(shí)聽(tīng)到一個(gè)懺悔的聲音說(shuō)：“對(duì)不起，親愛(ài)的，我已經(jīng)想過(guò)了，你可以擁有勞斯萊斯作為結(jié)婚禮物，我們將搬到黃金海岸，你母親可以和我們一塊兒住。現(xiàn)在你愿意嫁給我嗎？” “我當(dāng)然愿意，”她說(shuō)，“可你是誰(shuí)呀？ 9Want Her to Go Nuts Mrs. Henry decided to have her portraitpainted.She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, adiamond necklace, emerald bracelets anda ruby pendant.” “But you’re not wearing any of those things.” “I know,”said Mrs. Henry,“It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he’d remarry right away, and I want herto go nuts looking for the jewelry.” 我要讓她發(fā)瘋 亨利夫人想讓人給她畫幅肖像畫。她告訴那位畫家說(shuō)：“把我畫成戴著鉆石耳環(huán)、鉆石項(xiàng)鏈、祖母綠手鐲還有紅寶石垂飾的樣子�！� “可這些東西您一樣也沒(méi)戴啊�！� “我知道，”亨利夫人說(shuō)，“我是想著萬(wàn)一我比我丈夫先死去，他肯定會(huì)很快再婚。我要讓那個(gè)女人為尋找這些珠寶而發(fā)瘋�！� ……
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